Projecting Figgins and Hannahan Posted by The Duke of GaGa |

Fans of the site have been begging us to do some other kind of projection, as they are too excited about the GaGa system to have to wait for us to play out our 162 game season. So, as of right now, we are introducing GaGa Lite, our preseason projections. Instead of being based on the GaGa Projection System's 162 game season, in GaGa Lite, we have put each cyber Mariner through an intense baseball regimen that allows us to estimate how well they will do over the course of the season. The exact nature of this regimen is top secret, so any attempts to pry it out of us will not work. Let's just say that last night we put Chone Figgins and Jack Hannahan through 600 at-bats in our spring training facilities, which are located somewhere between iMovie and Pages in our fantastic and headache-free MacBook Pro. We realize that we just gave free advertising to Apple, but when a company makes such great products, we like to try to find ways to ask them to send us free stuff: hint, hint.

Here are our findings: Chone Figgins will hit .287/.390/.393 and Jack Hannahan will hit .216/.300.330. And for the sake of transparency, we have to admit that we only put Hannahan through 242 at-bats because, first of all, he sucks and we got tired of watching him hit weak grounders to second base, and second, he has a major league attitude problem. You can't even comprehend all the cursing that this guy did, or how weird it was to hear someone go on a cursing tirade while happy 8-bit music is playing in the background.